I’ve been talking about writing a book about my journey with the power of the Law of Attraction for some time now, but as things stand, it might not ever happen. Find out why in this post below.
I have to admit over the last four or five months I’ve taken my eye off the ball, so to speak. Let me explain.
Around September, I decided to get on with writing a book I had started a couple of years ago, a sort of travel book through the journey that is the Law of Attraction. I wanted to be able to put into words how I overcame an immense amount of hardship to be where I am today, happy and contented.
My journey with the Law of Attraction has been, shall we say, bumpy. It took me years to get to where I am today. I had to change almost everything about the way I acted, and reacted to everyday situations. I made decisions that made me feel guilty, uncomfortable and alien.
But, being in a world where it seemed everything was against me, I had no other choice, In short I had to change or it would be the end of me.
That’s when I found out about the power of the Law of Attraction. Initially, I was a little sceptical that whatever I thought had a bearing on how things turn out in life. I was the most negative person that drew breath…I’m not kidding.
As soon as I woke my immediate thought was “what’s going to go wrong today’ and when I went to bed, it would be ‘I hate my life and it will only get worse tomorrow’.
I shudder now at the way my mind worked.
But, over time, that negativity ceased after going through a journey that changed my life. I now wake with a kind of joy in what the day will bring and go to bed eager to wake up again. Sometimes, it’s hard to get to sleep because I don’t want to waste time sleeping!
This happens because I meditate, read inspiring books and have an eagerness to get things done.
The Power of the Law Of Attraction was Working Against Me
September, things started to go awry. I had made my mind up to concentrate on my book. I had already written around 50,000 words and gave myself 3 months to complete it.
I now live partly in Greece and partly in England and as it was now so quite here in Greece, this was the perfect time to get the book finished. Nights were drawing in, nothing really happens around here and time was on my side. Perfect.
The first half of my book tells of my childhood, which was a happy existence and I wrote with joy and vigour. The second stage revealed my teenage years and early twenties in which I found love and a sense of responsibility. That was an easy stage to write about because I had good memories of those events…and that’s the stage where I was at last September.
Now, I had to tackle the downward spiral of my mid-twenties to thirties, something I’ve been putting off writing about for almost 2 years. I had stored all what had happened in those years away in a kind of vault in my mind that was bolted well and truly shut.
Now I had to break it open and release the beast that was inside.
To fully concentrate, I foolishly stopped meditating (something told me to quit), I stopped reading inspiring authors and I stopped thinking about my present self.
Visiting The Past
I now know that it was the negativity I had just released that caused this cloud of self-doubt I was now feeling. It was like opening Pandora’s Box. There was stuff in there that I had completely forgotten about. Things that actually made me cry.
I started to write about all the things that went wrong in my life. The crippling debt, the failing health problems, the constant worry and not knowing what the next day would bring. It was like writing about another person, someone who was dictating their life to me from across the room. I was sometimes scared, as if there was another entity in the room with me.
I know that might sound crazy, but it was as if there was another ‘being’ with me most days relating a story that made me so uncomfortable I would have to gather myself and build up to a session of writing.
That’s when things started to go wrong.
Around mid-October, I caught myself looking in the mirror. I was frowning and looking preoccupied and rather sad and tortured. This wasn’t me. My husband, Gary, had mentioned I was becoming short tempered and snappy.
He took a photo of me whilst I was ‘miles away’. The photo is at the top. You can see I had something on my mind that was bothering me. The down turned mouth instead of the usual smile. The sunken eyes when they’re usually bright and alert. The pale complexion, the down-at-heel hair. This wasn’t me. I looked older too.
My heart was heavy and I recognised that feeling of dread that was waking me up each morning, as well as going to bed, always angry.
No, this definitely wasn’t me.
Things started to go wrong around the house. Water pipes leaking and not being able to find a plumber who would turn up. The television broke, no Internet, no hot water, a few bills started coming in that we hadn’t catered for, our rented car refused to start twice (once when we were 10 miles from home with no phone signal). I had a horrible cold that just wouldn’t go away, I began to have migraines which I’ve never had before, sleeping became fitful, and I was always tired. I was miserable.
The power of the Law of Attraction was working against me.
Time For a Break
Mid November perked up because we were planning on going back to England for Christmas and were looking forward to seeing our son back from Uni. But still I wasn’t keeping up with my meditation routine, nor was I focusing on what was good in my life. Instead, the book kept draining me of positive thoughts and I was only concentrating on all the negativity flowing out of my mind.
December came and we journeyed back to England. I had put the notes of my book away deciding to complete them after we came back in the New Year.
The time we spent over Christmas was wonderful. Seeing family and friends and spending valuable time with our son was like a shot in the arm of adrenaline. I made time to relax and meditate, read, and thank the world for what we had right there.
It was a joyous 4 weeks and I felt revitalised.
Early January we made our way back to Greece, which included 3 flights and a lot of hours sat around airports. All this time I was secretly dreading going back. My husband mentioned we should probably try another island after Easter as our rental runs out around that time.
I agreed but had a feeling of doom. I can usually speak to Gary about anything without reservation, but something was preventing me from, for the want of a better expression, ‘spilling my guts’.
It was only when we arrived back at our house and I opened the door that my eyes went straight to the draw where my notes for the book were. My heart skipped and jumped into my mouth. It shocked me. I had had the book in the back of my mind for the last two days, but this reaction really surprised me.
The Penny Dropped
After settling back in to the ‘2mph’ life we had left a month ago, I decided that the book had to be forgotten about for quite a while. It was the thought of bringing up the sad past that was messing with my life in the here and now.
I almost threw the hundreds of pages and notes into the fire one evening as it was the elephant in the room. I couldn’t bring myself to open the draw and sometimes even found myself not even able to look at the cabinet. Something evil was in there.
I took myself off one day into the rain and cold of this idyllic Greek Island whilst my husband was busy writing. I sat under an old shelter overlooking Sitia town. It was beautiful, even if it was raining, cold and blustery. There is a way the sun peeps through the clouds every now and again, even if it’s hailing here, to show off a wonderful yellow glow that lights up the rocks and ocean. It made me smile. The first time I’d smiled since we got back.
I realised it was my past that was making me go back to my old way of thinking. The very things I was writing about were beckoning me back to my old self. My old self that nearly ended it all.
A few hours later I arrived back home with a determination to start reading and meditating again, in earnest. I wrote down everything I was thankful for and went back to my old books that made me feel bright again. I put on my headphones, listened to my favourite Binaural beats and went into a deep relaxed state and thought of how I can get back on track.
That day signified to me that the book had taken me back to the bad old days and my mind was reliving them. This was attracting a negativity I hadn’t felt or experienced in years.
Beating The Blues
I took the notes, put them in a plastic container and banished them to the little shack we have in our garden away from the house.
I am now back going through my old routines of reading some of the books and courses I have collected over the years and it feels great! I am back to mediating every day and have almost locked away those evil memories of the past. It will take time again, but I am no longer ‘snappy’. I smile a lot more, laugh out loud at silly things, have a longing to get out and about (I walk 8 miles every day) and am settling back into the life I really want.
I am still wondering whether to burn those notes that took me to hell and back? Should I keep them until I’m ready to complete my book? Or should I cast them away and banish the monster that lays within forever?
I’m in awe at those people who can go back to their horrendous past and then write about it. Some may say I must face the past and get over it, but I say, why should I put myself through that if it doesn’t offer any benefit? I’ve worked hard to make the power of the Law of Attraction work for me and my family…and work it does. Why should I unlock a whole case of misery when it’s better to forget the past? It happened, get over it. Life is so much better in the NOW, we shouldn’t dwell on the past as it effects the future.
If you watched a movie and you thought it was so dreadful that it made you angry and bitter, would you go see it again? Would you put yourself through it again knowing it was so bad you would waste valuable time watching it…again?
Some would say facing your ‘bad’ past is a good thing, well not in my experience it isn’t. It’s gone, it happened, it won’t come back. Look to the present and future because that’s where the magic is.
Don’t Ever Stop Using The Law Of Attraction
To be honest, I’m going to give it a week before I make the decision about what to do with the book. At the moment, I’m chopping wood for the burner…that may give you an idea into which way I’m leaning!
If anything comes from this experience, it is that the Law of Attraction cannot be switched on and off. If I want the life I’ve was always yearned for, then my frame of mind must always be strong. I must continue to feed it with positivity…EVERY DAY. To become complacent or to take it for granted is a big, big mistake. Those few months at the end of last year was the first time I had stopped thinking about how lucky I am. Instead I concentrated on how miserable my life once was.
And look what happened.
I don’t think I will be doing that again anytime soon.